


And I Would Fight My Strength To Untape My Mouth, When I Used To Be Afraid Of The Words

by mischiefmanaged95



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adorable Steve Rogers, Aftercare, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Arguments, Blushing Steve Rogers, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Just Wants Steve To Be Sure, Collars, Colour System, Consent Talks, Dom Bucky Barnes, Dom/sub, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Kink, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Endearments, Established Relationship, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Explicit Consent, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gentle Sex, Hand Jobs, Hurt Steve Rogers, Kink Negotiation, Kissing, Light BDSM, Love Bites, M/M, Making Love, Morning After, Multiple Orgasms, Nightmares, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Overstimulation, Possessive Bucky Barnes, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Praise Kink, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protectiveness, Restraints, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safewords, Sex Toys, Shy Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels, Stubborn Steve Rogers, Stucky - Freeform, Sub Steve Rogers, Subdrop, Subspace, Sweet/Hot, Top Bucky Barnes, True Love, Worried Bucky Barnes, kinky steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-08-30 06:33:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8522278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischiefmanaged95/pseuds/mischiefmanaged95
Summary: “…you catch me in your eyes, that beauty on my pillow, they haunt me in the night. And I will find my strength to untape my mouth, when I used to be afraid of the words, but with you I've learned just to let it out. Now my heart is ready to burst…”  By the time Bucky finished singing the song, his tears had stopped and so had Steve’s. The blond had dozed off at some point during the last half of the song. He needed rest and sleep, he needed a clear mind. They would need to talk about this, what this meant for them but for now, Steve slipped into his dreams, comforted by the thought that Bucky would be there to chase away his demons.~~~Fluff + Angst + Feels + Smut. The basic sum up of all my fics.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LadyAngelique](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAngelique/gifts).



> For my lovely friend. I love you very much. We've had horrible news this past week, and though this isn't much, I hope this at least puts a smile on your face <3 
> 
> Any mistakes are my own. I own no one. The song's by Ella Henderson, I'm Yours. I love that song.
> 
> Also, seen as both Bucky and Steve have had the serum (even if Bucky's is different - they're both super soldiers), the serums takes care of their health, so they don't need to use condoms as they're always in fighting health and are unable to get ill. Aside from in ABO, where they do, if they're not planning for children. And if not, Steve's on the pill, though of course, that can fail too. 
> 
> This is a work of fanfiction, so please remember to stay protected, have check ups and practice safe sex! While it is your body and you can choose to do whatever you want with it, protecting yourself should always come first.

* * *

“Buck, I can take care of myself, ya know!” Steve yelled, fuming. He dumped his shield down by their door and kicked off his boots angrily. 

“I know you can, punk,” Bucky laughed, following Steve into their apartment at the Avengers Compound, “but that don’t mean I ain’t allowed to worry.”

“I’m not a baby,” Steve snapped. He turned and glared at Bucky, that same fire and energy burning in his eyes the way it always had for years.

Running his hand through his shorter than before choppy hair, Bucky sighed. He knew that Steve was just venting and needed this outlet, but he hated the way it made Steve feel – useless, helpless, defensive. That was something Steve had always struggled with.

“I know that sweetheart,” Bucky said softly, stepping forwards, “but you’re my baby boy, Stevie. I’ll always want to look after you.”

Steve scoffed and rolled his eyes, “no. I’m not a baby. I can look after myself.”

And that stopped Bucky.

He never wanted to do anything to hurt Steve, not after everything they’d been through. He knew that Steve was just relaying anger onto him from the mission, he knew that Steve’s broken heart refused to let him slip and melt into Bucky’s comfort. Steve was doing this to be snarky, to be angry, to _feel_ and Bucky never wanted to take that right away from him.

“Okay, okay Steve,” Bucky said, even though it was breaking his heart. He stepped back and put his hands up, “whatever you want. You don’t need me, okay. Just...don’t hurt yourself, Stevie.”

**~~~**

It was killing him.

Being away from Bucky was _physically_ making him feel sick, isolated, depressed. He just _dropped_ without Bucky. And at first, he couldn’t explain it. Bucky was still there, with him but he didn’t touch Steve like he used to, he didn’t speak to him with the endearments he would use. And Steve missed it, it had only been _three_ days and he thought he was going to die without Bucky’s arms around him at night. Bucky had always chased Steve’s nightmares away.

On the fourth night, Bucky shot up in bed to the sound of Steve whimpering in the next room. Bucky had been sleeping in the spare room to give Steve the space he needed, or at least _felt_ like he wanted. But no more. Bucky could not just sit by and listen to Steve have another nightmare.

Dashing out of bed, Bucky ran into Steve’s room, only to see his sweetheart, crying in his sleep, “ _Bucky_ …”

Steve’s hands were tangled in his bedsheets, white knuckled and face wet with tears. Bucky’s heart broke. How had he let this go on? Well, because he hadn’t wanted to overstep Steve’s boundaries but what had that done to Steve? He’d only made it worse.

“Buck…no, _no_ don’t leave,” Steve whimpered, twisting in the sheets, “don’t go…don’t want me, don’t want me. ’m cold Buck. Alone. It’s so…lonely. Messed up, stupid. ‘m so _stupid_.”

Bucky resolve cracked. He rushed over to Steve and scooped the shaking male up into his arms, rocking them slowly on their bed. “Shhh, shhh, it’s me Stevie. ‘m never leavin’ you. Love, ‘m here.”

“ _S-stupid_ ,” Steve whispered, writhing in Bucky’s arms. He was still so far away, out of reach. In a dark place, terrified and alone and this time, Bucky wasn’t there to save him. “Don’t leave me Buck,” Steve begged, “die without you.”

“It’s okay, Stevie,” Bucky said softly, feeling his resolve shatter. He hated hearing Steve like this, hated what this was doing to him. He was supposed to look after him. He was supposed to be Steve’s rock.

When Bucky came back to Steve, he’d been a mess and together, they’d managed to find his missing pieces, his shattered memories and torn pieces of paper. They’d managed to stick them back together, match them up again. Not perfectly, but then no one’s memories were.

And after they sorted things out with Tony and Bucky had his mind back, thanks to Wanda and no ice, a new arm and was _still_ beefier than ever (something Steve literally drooled over), they came back home.

And Bucky had vowed to always look after Steve. His new friends were great. Sure, they were. But they didn’t know Steve like he did. They couldn’t see the signs – the flickers of Steve’s depression. The flickers that would grow into flames, licking at Steve’s spine, eating him whole.

But Bucky did.

“I’m not mad sweetheart,” Bucky whispered into Steve’s sweaty hair, “I’m right here, it’s okay. I’ve got you. Just wake up for me, love.”

Steve sniffled and though it took some minutes, began to open his eyes. When he lifted his head to look up at Bucky, he just _stared_. Tears welled up in his bright blue eyes and then after a moment that felt like _eons_ , he broke down. Clutching at Bucky, burying his face in Bucky’s chest, clinging onto him for dear life. Afraid he’d disappear.

“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry,” Steve mumbled, shaking his head. The guilt and sorrow was too much to bare. It was like eating out his heart. It was taking him…dragging him under water. It was pulling him into the dark, deep depths of the unknown.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Bucky said, rubbing Steve’s back gently, “you’re not stupid. You’re not stupid. It’s okay, oh Stevie, this was a mistake, I shouldn’t have left you. I shouldn’t have.”

Steve sniffled and clutched onto Bucky’s thick arms, “please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t, oh honey,” Bucky crooned, cupping the back of Steve’s head, “I should’ve known you’d drop. I should’ve been here.”

“Drop?” Steve asked, looking up at Bucky with wide eyes, his voice small and quiet.

“Yeah, Stevie,” Bucky said softly, wiping away Steve’s tears, “it’s called sub drop.”

“There’s somethin’ wrong with m-me?” Steve mumbled, looking down. _Guilty_.

“No, _no_ ,” Bucky cupped Steve’s face, “there’s _nothin’_ wrong with you. You just react differently when we’re intimate, okay? That’s normal, I’m just supposed to make it better. The distance that’s been here…. it’s hurt you.”

“W-why did you let me push you away?” Steve whimpered, fisting his hands in Bucky’s tank top.

“You weren’t lettin’ me in, doll. I didn’t want to force you; your choices are important. If you needed space, then I was gonna give that to you. I just want you to be happy and you were so angry and confused, I didn’t want to overstep your boundaries.”

“I don’t want you to leave,” Steve looked up at Bucky again, eyes pleading and fearful, “I was bein’ stupid. So, _stupid_. Thought you’d left me.”

“Stevie, you’re _not_ stupid,” Bucky admonished gently, kissing Steve’s wet cheeks, “you were just doin’ what you wanted, even if it was somethin’ that wasn’t the best. Everyone needs space.”

“Can you make it better?” Steve peered up at Bucky with an adorable pout on his lips.

“Yeah? What would you like Stevie?” Bucky smiled softly, brushing Steve’s blond locks of hair back from his forehead, “whatever you want, sweetheart.”

Steve blushed and pulled at Bucky’s identity tags, “call me baby again. I-I like bein’ your baby boy. I-I was bein’ stubborn…I want that. If you want – you don’t need to –

Bucky could see Steve reeling back, hiding in himself and it wouldn’t be long before Steve pulled away from Bucky completely, thinking he’d done something wrong. “Okay, okay, baby. Hey, sweetheart, come here, darlin’. Please, baby doll, come here.”

Steve stopped shuffling away and let Bucky pull him into his arms, “you’re my everythin’ Stevie. Best thing in my whole life, I don’t deserve you.”

“I love you,” Steve said, voice breaking when he buried his face in Bucky’s neck, latching on again to the brunette’s arms, “please don’t leave me, please. ‘m scared without you, so alone. And cold, and stupid, s’all my fault.”

“No, no, baby,” Bucky said, rocking them gently, feeling his heart tighten. He could feel tears stinging his eyes. This was all his fault, because he’d left Steve. Steve was blaming himself. He didn’t deserve Steve, he really didn’t. God, how had he messed this up?

“It’s not your fault,” Bucky cooed, clutching Steve to his chest, holding the trembling male close, “baby, it’s not your fault. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I love you, I love you so much. I just wanted to do what you wanted. Oh, Stevie, please. Don’t cry, don’t cry, love.”

And then, Bucky had a thought. He’d heard the song before on the radio. Something Wanda was listening to. A song by a British singer, a soft melody for a loud mind.

“ _…you catch me in your eyes, that beauty on my pillow, they haunt me in the night. And I will find my strength to untape my mouth, when I used to be afraid of the words, but with you I've learned just to let it out. Now my heart is ready to burst…_ ”

By the time Bucky finished singing the song, his tears had stopped and so had Steve’s. The blond had dozed off at some point during the last half of the song. He needed rest and sleep, he needed a clear mind. They would need to talk about this, what this meant for them but for now, Steve slipped into his dreams, comforted by the thought that Bucky would be there to chase away his demons.  

**~~~**

The next morning, Steve awoke to strong arms around him and the warmth of a body behind his own. Turning, Steve buried his face in Bucky’s chest, wrapping his legs around Bucky’s thick waist, hiding there, blocking out the sun and the new day.

“Mornin’ baby,” Bucky said softly, “did you sleep okay?”

Steve nodded and rubbed his face against Bucky’s stubbly jaw, “’m sorry about yesterday. About everythin’…”

“It’s okay,” Bucky promised, “I should have known. I should’ve seen the signs.”

Steve looked up at Bucky and lifted a hand to trace the latter’s jawline, “we should probably talk about what happened. Right?”

Bucky nodded, “yeah, we need to.”

Steve paused for a moment and then said, “I don’t like slurs. Some people are into that, swearin’ at each other and stuff, but I don’t like that.”

“You been researchin’?” Bucky teased fondly, kissing Steve’s forehead, “what a good boy.”

“Oh, you are such a big jerk,” Steve blushed, rolling his eyes. He seemed better this morning. More level headed, more _grounded_. He’d needed last night to vent and let go. He needed Bucky’s comfort. But now he needed something else.

“I’d never hurt you Stevie,” Bucky said, brushing back Steve’s hair, “never want to do anythin’ you don’t want. No gunplay…no knife play, no blood. No bodily harm or emotional manipulation. Nothin’ like that, nothin’ that could hurt you. I can’t do that, Stevie.”

“I know,” Steve nudged his nose against Bucky’s, “I don’t want that either.”

“What do you want?” Bucky asked, voice low and raspy. Steve tilted his head and then pulled Bucky on top of him, so that the latter was covering him like a security blanket.

“I like endearments,” Steve said, blushing again, “I…like our dynamic as it is. Praise kink too. I don’t want it to change, none of it. I wanna be yours.”

Bucky’s eyes darkened, leaning down to kiss Steve’s neck, “you are _mine_.”

Steve’s eyes fluttered, closing, “I like collars. Restraints. T-Toys, maybe?”

“Damn, baby,” Bucky groaned, rolling his hips against Steve’s, arousal shooting right down to his cock, “when did you become so kinky?”

“Always,” Steve gasped, arching up against Bucky as the latter sucked on his skin, “I always w-wanted this…to have you in control. It’s always been there.”

“Fuck,” Bucky growled, nosing at Steve’s neck, “you got any idea how hot that makes me?”

Steve laughed, rolling his hips up against Bucky’s, “I think I have some idea.”

“We need to have a safe word,” Bucky husked, “colours. For when you don’t want somethin’, okay? You gotta promise me, Stevie.”

“Okay,” Steve replied, eyes closing as Bucky left hickeys on Steve’s flushed, beautiful skin, “Brooklyn – safe word. Green means keep goin’ – _ah, oh Buck_ – yellow means not sure, red means stop.”

“Good,” Bucky murmured, kissing Steve’s jaw, the underside of his chin and down his chest, “what else do you want, baby doll?”

“Overstimulation,” Steve whispered, shying away again. But Bucky kept him still by holding his hips, smirking into the crease of that wonderful v line that drove Bucky mad.

“Multiple orgasms,” Bucky growled, licking up Steve’s hipbones, “that somethin’ you want?”

“God, fuck, _yes_ ,” Steve moaned, jerking his hips, “please.”

“Orgasm denial?” Bucky chuckled, pulling Steve’s underwear down, “is this okay, baby?”

“Fuck, yes, please,” Steve whined, hips jutting upwards. Bucky grinned and licked at the tip of Steve’s hard cock. And that was it, Steve came all over his own chest and stomach.

“You’re so good baby,” Bucky said reverently, going back up to Steve’s face, “such a good boy for me. My little sweet boy.”

Steve whimpered and looked up at Bucky with adoration in his eyes. Bucky could see Steve rising again, could see the darkness from the night before slipping away.

“Aftercare,” Bucky murmured softly, “comfort. Food, chocolate, water. Care. You need that too. We need to go through what happened yesterday, after breakfast. Okay? So, last night doesn’t happen again?”

“Please,” Steve pouted and Bucky couldn’t help it. They hadn’t brushed their teeth and Steve was covered in his own release, but despite that Bucky leaned down and kissed Steve, passionately on the mouth, taking one of Steve’s hand, bringing it down to his own hard cock and growled into their heated kiss.

“Make me come baby,” Bucky purred in Steve’s ear, letting go of Steve’s hand, so that the blond could take Bucky out of his boxers, wrapping his fingers around the thick cock he loved so much.

“Yes, _sir_ ,” Steve replied, looking up at Bucky from underneath his eyelashes. That was it, it only took a few tugs and Bucky was splashing onto Steve’s skin, kissing him hungrily, _possessively_.

“God, sweetheart,” Bucky grunted against Steve’s lips, “I love you so much. You got no idea.”

Steve blushed and looked up at Bucky sweetly, “how do you feel about spankin’?”

**Author's Note:**

> I know things are so shitty right now. I just wanna say, if you ever wanna talk - I'm here for you.


End file.
